Who Do You Tell When You Cannot Tell Anyone?

Why you cannot tell them

Tell your team, and it changes how they see you. Tell the board, and it becomes an agenda item you cannot control. Tell a colleague, and it turns political.

And sometimes it has nothing to do with them anyway. It is not theirs to carry.

So you carry it yourself. Some problems are lonely because you are the only one allowed to know about them. It is lonely at the top. It is lonelier when you are holding something nobody else can know.

The kind of thing I mean

• You have announced a big decision, and now you are not sure it was the right one.
• You are thinking about stepping down, selling or making a big move, and nobody can know yet.

If it is something personal, or a decision you keep putting off, have a look at When something is weighing on you.

What happens when you hand it to me

There is no one-size-fits-all way to handle problems like these, so I start with you: what the problem is from where you are sitting, and what resolved looks like for you.

Then I get to work. That might mean quietly gathering the facts, laying out your options, lining up the right people, or handling the practical side so it stops eating your days. Whatever it takes to get you to the resolved you described.

And the whole way through, I am in your corner.

Why trust a stranger?

Because I have absolutely no stakes in it. I am an independent person in your corner, and what you tell me stays with me.

Things people ask

Do I need to have it all figured out first?

No. Bring it as it is. Working out what the problem really is can be the first job.

Is this confidential?

From the very first message. I am happy to sign an NDA before you tell me anything.